There we’re too many sad moments with him, many left me empty and feeling disposable.
When I feel this sad about what he left me with, I wish I had old letters, pictures or videos of the good times we did have so I could remember that it wasn’t always that bad.
All I have left are threads and threads of long emails with curse words, telling me how terrible I am, numerous shitty emails, some I never even fully read because the language and content was too overwhelming to have it make any sense in my head.
And the sad memories that still weigh heavy in my heart.
Like when you said to me after being in a relationship for 5 years,
“isn’t it better if we could just be together when we want to have sex?”
This was all I was to you, and this still went on for about 3 more years.
And you call that “love”? “Care?” A “relationship?” I was disposable to you.
I remember when he worked in Pasadena, it was the middle of the night and we were “making love”, when he realized what time it was and that he had to go, he said “get off me I have to go to work, I don’t have time for this to just lay around with you. You can let yourself out, lock the door on your way out.”
He didn’t look back to me at all, text or call back to make sure I was okay, for a few days.
I sat wrapped in a towel for 2 hours thinking about how used and empty, unimportant and low I felt. And just like that he was out the door.
I supposed that’s how people treat each other when they love each other and after 7 years of being together right? Wait, it’s not?
No wonder I feel so betrayed and hurt.
That’s just one of many memories keeping me awake this morning. Yet he says I’m the one who “never cared.”
Not one love letter, valentines day card, Christmas card or even birthday card in almost 8 years. Not one.I was never special or important to him at all.
SweetSatire 